Breaking News! Bicycles exposed by as a sinister plot by United Nations to control U.S. cities

Michigan has become the 14th state to adopt Complete Streets legislation that requires road planners to consider the needs of nonmotorized travel when designing roadways.

That includes, of course, bicycles.

But those carefree days when we believed bicycle use was harmless -- even beneficial -- has come to a cataclysmic, cruel and twisted end.

You see, the Republican candidate for governor of Colorado has learned the fearsome truth: Bikes are a sinister plot to turn Denver,and eventually the entire freedom-loving US of A into a puppet of the United Nations.

Denver’s B-Cycle program that provides 400 bikes for rent at locations across the city is part of a plot to “convert Denver into a United Nations community” and “threaten our personal freedoms.”

Dan Maes, a favorite of the Tea Party activists, warns that “this is all very well disguised, but it will be exposed.”

Clearly there’s a mole inside the bicycling community feeding Maes the truth, that the B-Cycle program, and Denver’s membership in a shadowy group promoting “gasp!” sustainable development is “part of a greater strategy to rein in American cities under a United Nations treaty.”

My suspicion is that the mole is the same person talking to Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh. How else would they have discovered that Climate Change is a tremendous worldwide conspiracy to keep grant money coming into to climate scientists?

In Michigan, a coalition of 60-plus environmental, cycling and public health groups – with support from the Michigan Department of Transportation -- supported the Complete Streets policy. It was billed as a harmless, enlightened move to help make it easier for cyclists and pedestrians to navigate downtown traffic.

Harmless? HA! “That’s exactly the attitude they want you to have,” Maes said.

If we are discriminating about who we elect to the State Legislature this fall; we can ensure that the diabolical Complete Streets legislation is repealed; once again making our cities safe from United Nations domination!


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